The Sunday Spotlight: A Conversation on My Internal Committee, Pride, and Practicing Grace
Welcome to the very first edition of The Sunday Spotlight, a brand-new weekly series launching today! Every Sunday, I will be putting myself in the hot seat for a deep, unfiltered Q&A session to explore how I navigate the beautiful chaos of human existence, share my personal philosophies, and dive into the other stuff that makes up daily life.
Today, we are kicking off Part 1 with a truly personal conversation. We dive deep into my core philosophy of sonder, the power of speaking to yourself out loud, and a breakdown of my own three-person internal committee: Alex, Tan, and Itt.
Grab a coffee, settle in, and let's jump right into the Q&A.
The Q&A
Q: Let’s start with a big-picture question to set the tone. In a world that is constantly moving, changing, and throwing noise our way, what is the core philosophy or rule that you try to run your life around?
Tan: The core philosophy is that we all have our own complex lives. Everyone's life is as complex as my own, and we should cut some slack to people where we would do the same for ourselves, since you can never know what someone is going through.
Q: That is a beautifully empathetic way to kick things off. What you're describing sounds a lot like sonder, the profound realization that every random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. When you look at your own day-to-day existence, how do you manage that complexity internally? When life gets overwhelming, how do you find your balance?
Tan: I know most people find it weird or don't want to accept it, but an internal dialogue with myself really helps a lot. If I can speak out loud and clear, like talking to someone else, the better, haha! But yeah, I get one version of myself who is better than the one that made the mistake and talk through it.
Q: There is immense power in getting those thoughts out into the open air, it turns a chaotic storm of ideas into a structured conversation. It sounds like you’ve essentially created a built-in board of directors up there. If we were to look at the different "characters" or voices that take part in your internal dialogue, how would you describe them? Who is making the mess, and who is cleaning it up?
Tan: 😂😂, so basically I have these three people: Alex, Tan, and Itt.
Alex is the messy one, the impulsive one, and often the cause of most issues.
Tan is the wise, "big bro" of the three.
Itt basically handles stuff when it comes to money and anything to do with that.
I find that separating myself into that helps a lot to get solutions.
Q: That is fascinating. You’ve given your internal thoughts specific roles and names. Itt handles the ledger, Alex drives the impulse, and Tan plays the wise older brother. Can you give us a clear example of how a conversation between them actually plays out to solve a real-life problem?
Tan: Actually, Itt doesn't usually have anything to say except when we find ourselves with questions like, "How can we get this?" and it involves money, 😂😂.
So, a clear example of Alex and Tan getting it on is when I happen to act very unreasonably or lash out for some reason. Then Tan can ask, "Was it really necessary?" At that point, Alex is still fuming. But then, with more questioning, of for example, why he said what he said, we can reach a conclusion as to if it was called for, or if it's time to swallow pride and apologize.
Q: That is an incredibly vivid picture. Tan acts like a patient detective, asking questions until Alex's anger cools down enough to see the truth. To swallow your pride and admit when a reaction wasn't called for takes serious maturity. How has this shaped the way you navigate your relationships with other people? Does having Tan and Alex in your head make it easier to give others that "slack" you mentioned earlier?
Tan: 🤔😁, do I have to? 😂, but I can understand them more, so if I'm in the wrong.
Q: 😂, fair point! You definitely don't have to be a saint every single day, and sometimes it's okay to just let people be wrong. But that insight, that it helps you understand them more especially when you are the one in the wrong, is gold. Let’s wrap up our interview with one final question. Imagine a reader is feeling completely overwhelmed by their own internal chaos, their own "Alex" running wild. What practical advice would you give them to start finding balance?
Tan: I would say, just say out what is on your mind. You don't need to have anything very organized, but just weigh both sides, yours and the other person's, without any judgment. Analyze it without trying to justify yourself. If you were right, nothing will change. But if you feel it's an overreaction, a simple acknowledgment can go a long way.
Final Thoughts
To analyze ourselves without trying to constantly justify our mistakes, if more of us practiced that level of radical honesty, our relationships and mental spaces would be a lot lighter.
This is just the beginning of this journey. I want this series to be a two-way street. If you have a burning question about life, logic, or anything in between that you want to see me tackle in a future edition, I want to hear it.
Have a question for next week? Send it over to me directly at [email protected], and it might just spark the next conversation.
Don't forget to check in this space and tune in next Sunday for Part 2!